critical appreciation

time. wow. really gets you, doesn't it? here i sit, exactly one year from my previous visit, and put down my thoughts. my beliefs, my experiences, my circumstances and my consequences.

so what has this year been about? from sitting to standing to lying down, from bike riding to bike crashing, from finding people to losing people, from holding people together to breaking down alone, from love making to love breaking, from living to dying; i guess its pretty much what everyone goes through. the one and only objective party is that annoying yet ever-enduring four letter word- time. i bet she sits quite high and mighty on her proud little throne with her big fancy boots. but you have to give it to her.. you have to respect.

so what has changed for you, what makes scrolling through this page a different experience? let me try and identify any modifications that may exist. i still stand by practically all of which i stated previously. although i do think i came off as someone trying to cram my beliefs down people's throats. as this year has passed, one learning has been not to impose my theories on anyone. however, i think i touched upon a pretty broad subject and i feel it manages to apply to all spheres of life. but there are certain aspects, like the right and wrong bit. and the regret. we are living through a subjective experience, you and i. that implies and pretty much forms the basis for the existence of these concepts. i have come to realize, this past year, that one mustn't strive too hard for objectivity if it means for them to lose the human inside. the true art, however, lies in taking subjective experience into consideration, and being able to find objective truth. big words, yes, but i assure you, if you chew upon them long enough, you'll have something substantial to digest.

everything happens for a reason. the basic law that is cause and effect. circumstance and consequence. i have gone through quite an intensive learning experience this past year and it almost feels like i've been tested, by some unknown superpower, as if i were a pawn in some sort of premeditated 'game'. now not only is that false, its pathetic. i am not some victim of divine intervention. i guess that its human tendency to try and attribute occurrences to causes beyond our knowledge. an innate quality of human beings, one tends to look for mystery. even if one mystery is solved, we'll create another one for ourselves. it is our nature to want to imagine the unimaginable. to explain the unexplained. if truth can be found, we must create a new opportunity to find new truth. we'd like to believe that there is more to existence than existence itself. that we hold more significance in this inexplicably vast universe.

i guess it comes down to a mere debate. between reason and purpose. do things happen because of reasons that are potentially explicable or because they're meant to turn out that way? one can say that explaining situations with stories of god or destiny is us submitting to running away from responsibility; from accountability. some might feel it is us devising imaginative tales to explain why things happen the way they do.
i think it's just plain silly.

i'm an idealistic person. and i think peace is an ideal that is actually within grasp. i have only recently begun to recognize the futility and complete waste of money, people and resources the army is. i mean, why would we invest so much to defend ourselves, from ourselves? its preposterous. one world, one people everybody. honestly, why is it that when we think of the planet, we automatically divide it into different segments?
these borders. where did they come from? mere lines have formed the basis for unnecessary and heinous acts that disturb the harmony that could otherwise exist. sentiments of patriotism somehow convert themselves into negativity. i believe that competitiveness can harbour a taste for this negativity. a world without borders would be bliss. we would finally see the planet for what it truly is.
the physical map stands for much more than we know.. if you think about it. and politics seem to spell out disaster.
idealism. how do you like them apples?

respect. its a big word. its a brilliant word. its what connects people. its what helps bridge the gap that is created by subjective reality. i truly respect the people around me. i truly appreciate.

so i guess this year has been about perspective. its been about appreciating. its been about experiencing. like any other year, i suppose. i've learnt something intensely valuable from all of this and its something i feel can be applied to any situation and deliver the ideal and most positive consequence- embrace and endure. endure and embrace.

i was made to write an essay as part of my application for a job. the topic was hilariously broad but elegant nonetheless:

What I want from life:

Harmony. Such a small word, yet with such broad implications. If one were to look at this question at face value, one would come up with all sorts of ideas and thoughts, thereby convoluting his brain with statements so complex, they’re better off ignored. This question needs to be confronted in the same manner as it exists: simply. For someone to decide or predict accurately what he wants from life, it would take away from the very essence of life we get up in the morning for.
I firmly believe that the end does not justify the means. So, rather than answering what I want from life, I should be thinking about how I’d like to go about living. And for this, I have a pretty clear idea. I believe we exist as individuals who adhere to certain ideals and principles. If these principles are not stood by, we are in danger of hypocrisy. In order for us to be effective human beings, we must obtain objectivity by considering the subjective; because however prevalent logic may be, it is emotions that make up our lives and make who we are: human beings. And as human beings, we must learn to co-exist. Not just with each other, but with our environment; be it animals, vegetation or even the air we breathe.
What I want from life is to be able to live by the ideals of peace, love and respect. Because it is these broad and essential components that will allow me to impact the environment around me positively, and in essence, create a culture.
A culture of harmony.
That’s what I’m after. That’s what I want from life.

on that note, so ends this edition of 'now'.
catch you next year. same time, same place folks!

love, peace and respect.

V

The Two Cs

i dont believe in right or wrong. i dont believe in the concept of regret. i dont believe in god. i dont believe that there is a deeper meaning to life and that we are all here to fulfill some specific purpose. i dont believe that each of us has a role to play that automatically validates our existence. i dont believe that our existence needs to be validated.

i believe that everything boils down to circumstance and consequence. everything. from the fact that you are reading this blog right now, to the fact that your parents met and conceived you. they met due to circumstance. you are the consequence. at the same time, i believe you are who you choose to be. now both of these statements may appear to be intrinsically contradictive. but they arent. in fact they happen to coincide quite conveniently. you are who you choose to be. and your choices are based on circumstance. circumstance is society. it is your thought process. it is where you are right now. what you do is what you choose to. that is consequence. in retrospect, what you chose to do may seem wrong... but what is wrong? i know that right and wrong; ethics is a very debatable topic. and you may argue that everything is relative. what is wrong to you may seem right to me; one man's garbage is another man's gold and so on and so forth. but then there have to be some universal ethics, right? but what is universal? can the concept of universal truly exist? what is truth? is it absolute? no wait, i digress. ah yes, universal ethics. like murder. or rape. or stealing. death? is death wrong? or bad? or is it merely a consequence? or a circumstance. at the end of the day, it is all a matter of perception. and what is perception? it is choice. based on circumstance. when someone says "i think this is bad", they mean that they choose to perceive, to believe that "this" is bad. and their choice of belief is based on circumstance. and what is circumstance? their thought process; society and those universal ethics. but again, these ethics are based on society. and society is a circumstance. so you see, it is a vicious circle. or is it vicious? it is how you choose to perceive it. circumstance and consequence. consequence and circumstance.

so what i ask you to do is question. not question your ethics or whether or not you are influenced by society and to what extent. but i want you to question whether you believe all of this has a deeper meaning... or whether all of this is just a matter of circumstance and consequence. and your belief is a consequence based upon your thought process-your choice-your circumstance. so have i already answered that question for you? is there really a good and bad? a right and wrong? or is it actually about accepting? accepting circumstance and the proceeding consequence. or accepting consequence and the preceding circumstance. now "accepting" is a big word. but maybe its a word that needs to be thrown around more. but what is need? again, i digress. i believe, at least i'd like to (i choose to), that i accept who i am. i accept where i am and what i am. i accept the choices i make. because they are mine. and because they are choices. i accept you. i accept fact. i accept truth. i believe that truth is absolute. and i accept my belief. after all, my belief is my choice. and the choices i make are consequences as a result of circumstances. and i accept that.

so if i believe this, then why would i regret? what is regret? is it the concept of looking back at what you've done (your choices) and wishing you would have done something different? is it wanting to go back in time (which is impossible and i accept that) and changing what you chose to do? unnecessary. thats what it is. why not accept the choice you made and live in the now? be at peace with yourself. be at peace with the world. accept yourself. accept the world.

be able to say that if you were to die right now, you would be at peace with yourself and accept death for what it is. a mere consequence. because if you can do that, if you can be at peace with yourself, you can truly be in whatever state of mind you choose to. i choose to be in a positive state of mind at all times because i'd rather be happy than sad. if there is a point in time i need to feel sad, then i can. and i will. because that is my choice. my decision. but as soon as you recognise that you have the power to choose which mood you'd prefer to be in, imagine the possibilities. and what are these possibilities? consequences. or are they circumstances? either way, i feel that you should be able to say, at any point in time, that you are at peace with yourself.

and why should you be able to say this? why should you even listen to me?
i leave that up to you. your values, your thought process, your ethics.
your circumstance.

convinced? yes or no, its your decision, your choice.
your consequence.

accept it.